It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Take a week off at the end of August, head out to the White Mountains of New Hampshire, and spend a little quality time with the fam in Waterville Valley.

Yeah, whoops.

We pulled in on a Friday night, jazzed for a nice seven days in our little mountain dreamland, pumped up about the elegant and spacious accommodations awaiting us.

A bit over 48 hours later, we were on the road back home to Vermont, never to return.

Our hotel-that-must-not-be-named? Well, according to its website, “The Valley Inn and Red Fox Tavern combine luxury, comfort and relaxation with boundless opportunities for indoor and outdoor recreation every month of the year.”

Heh heh.

I could go on and on here, but I think just tackling all the falsities in just that opening sentence will suffice:

1.) “Red Fox Tavern”: The restaurant, we were told upon arrival, is closed. No, they don’t mention that on the website. There’s no mention in any confirmation emails or pre-arrival phone calls. And no vouchers so we could grab a bite somewhere else. Just-boom- we show up, and there’s nothing to eat.

2.) “luxury”: There is nothing that even comes close to resembling luxury anywhere near this place. In all honestly, The Valley Inn (sans Red Fox Tavern) resembled a two-star motel more than anything else.

The water stains on the ceiling, the endless supply of chipped paint, mold, and dirty carpets, and the fact that the two pull-out beds were both worn to the point of being slanted should immediately disqualify this place from ever being even casually associated with the word “luxury”. And, oh yes, the fact that the sink’s water never got any cooler than, say, tepid, didn’t help. Have I mentioned the “air conditioning”?

Our “extended-stay suite” had a living area and kitchen downstairs and a bedroom area upstairs. The downstairs had an automatic AC unit, which, I firmly believe, had been set to think that 85 degrees is cool enough. So every half-hour or so, it would turn on for a few minutes of a breeze, and then switch off until the room warmed back up to 90 again. Upstairs (remember that whole “heat rises” thing from physics class?) we had a lovely rotating table fan. Man, that thing could sure push around some warm air.

3.) “boundless opportunities for indoor…”

Indoor opportunities at The Valley Inn consist of renting a VHS tape from their “library”, heading down to the game room (complete with a pool table and “Buck Hunter”), or melting in your room. Barely acceptable, much less “boundless”.

4.) “…and outdoor recreation”

They have an outdoor pool. Which, despite being, well, outside during the summer’s only heat wave, never got above 60 degrees. And a parking lot. That’s all that I could find outside. Except for the Employee Smoking Area, which, as it turns out, is conveniently located just outside the front entrance. Welcome *cough* to The Valley Inn folks!

So…

If you ever do have to go to Waterville Valley, well—I pity you. But if you have to go, make sure you avoid The Valley Inn. And be prepared for the fact that you’re in the middle of nowhere.

The WV, as the locals call it, is at the end of dead end road. A 10-mile-long dead end road. With a posted speed limit of 35 mph. Which meanders through a National Forest. Which means there’s no civilization allowed. And I don’t just mean that there isn’t a Nordstrom’s and a Gap. I mean nothing. Not even a gas station.

After we had finally gotten checked in and unpacked on that Friday night, and once the kids were safely snoring, I thought I’d run out to get some milk for breakfast and maybe a little half-and-half for my honey’s morning coffee.

Heh heh.

If I really wanted milk (I was told by the front desk clerk), I need to head back down that 10-mile road to the little Gas-n-Sip at the Interstate, which “may or may not be open”. She couldn’t remember when it closed.

My solution? Tear down The Valley Inn and build a nice 7-11. That would work. And I bet it would have real air conditioning.

Though I don’t remember it that well, I’m sure that at my high school graduation I said goodbye to people, insisted that they ‘stay in touch’, and felt relatively confident that it would not be the year 2009 until I talked to them (much less saw them) again.

Oops.

So 20 years have passed, and in that time, I’ve:

attended and graduated from college,

gotten a job,

switched jobs,

gotten married,

had a son,

switched jobs again,

had a daughter,

switched jobs again again,

…and kept in touch with 1 (one…as in ‘singular’) person from my high school.

Now, if you, too, graduated from high school at some point, your quick math would tell you that the above list only covered 19 years worth of jobs and family life…

That’s because a year ago, I entered the world of Facebook, and since then, I’ve been in at least casual contact with 50-ish people from my high school (L-A-F-A-Y-E-double T-E! Go Rams!)

…which made the idea of attending my 20-year high school reunion this past weekend at least palatable.

So I went.

Now, most people say going to reunions makes you feel old. For me, it was exactly the opposite. Honestly, it kinda felt like I was in high school again.

My drama geek buddy was there, my high school sweetheart was there, and the class valedictorian was there, along with a handful of cheerleaders, a couple ballplayers, and assorted members of the Honor Society, spring musical cast, and homecoming court.

There were people I’d known only in high school and people I’d known since—oh…say…age 4 (and I have the preschool photos to prove it.)

There was laughter, there were smiles, and there was a lot of hugging.

(Go to high school with someone every day for four years—nary a hug. Go twenty years without so much as emailing them, and suddenly hugs were being passed out like restaurant fliers in Times Square. Odd, but really cool.)

Everyone may have looked a little different (on a couple of occasions I had to stare for a bit to see the ‘person that was’) but underneath, we were pretty much the same as we had been all those years ago. Sure, we’d moved on from talking about the egregious amount of homework Mr. Sams assigned or chatting about whom everyone else was taking to the prom—but there we were, hanging out on a Friday night, just a bunch of friends.

We flipped through old yearbooks, we thought about fellow LHSers who couldn’t make it, and we talked all about what we’re up to now, but mostly it was a weekend of remembering all the good times we had when we were young and stupid…It was as if time hadn’t passed at all– at least for me.

And just like that, it ended.

In June of 1989, we all said goodbye and went off into the real world. Now in July 2009, we’ve done it again. Back to our jobs, our homes, our families.

As fun as the reunion was (and it was, truly, a blast), I left thinking about the 20 years of conversations and friendships that didn’t happen, but should have…and could have if I really had ’stayed in touch’.

I would like to blame Facebook (since it wasn’t available for 17 of those 20 years), but I think it was really my fault.

Who knew a reunion would be a learning experience? Wasn’t that what high school was for?

My Twitter feed
My Examiner.com blog

well…not really ‘goodbye’. more of a ‘we’ve moved.’

while i will continue to use this site for more personal (read, ‘family-related’) posts, my mad bloggin’ skillz are on display for the world to see at my examiner.com page, where i’m featured as a national pop culture blogger.

come on over…and feel free to subscribe, spread the word, and/or follow me on twitter.

seacrest out.

Hopefully at least some of you are watching ABC’s latest comedy Better Off Ted, Wednesday nights at 8:30 p.m., right before Lost.

If not, you’re missing what’s probably the funniest show on television since Arrested Development. In fact it stars Portia de Rossi, last seen as Lindsay Bluth on, yes, Arrested Development.

ABC describes Better Off Ted as, “a satirical office comedy about successful good guy, Ted, who runs research and development at the morally questionable Veridian Dynamics. Need cow-less meat grown in a test tube? Done. Need pumpkins that also double as weapons of mass destruction? No problem.”

Better Off Ted is, simply, hilarious, and one of the highlights each week is the Veridian Dynamics ‘ad’ that airs during the first commercial break. Unfortunately, due to Obama’s news conference, there was no episode this week.

But that didn’t stop the ‘folks’ at Veridian Dynamics from still putting together their weekly ‘ad’.

If you just chuckled a little bit, hop on board. It’ll only cost you a half-hour of your time, and this week’s episode (on TUESDAY night at 8:30) is the season finale…but don’t worry, there have only been six episodes– it’s not like I’m asking you to start watching Lost in the middle of the 4th season.

Seriously, it’s funny.

You may just thank me later.

…assuming ABC decides to keep it for the fall schedule

…which they may not.

But I hope they do.

…because that would be good.

Remember Bluestar Airlines? How about Bud Fox? Okay, how about, ‘How many yachts can you water ski behind?’

How about…Gordon Gekko?

Well, he’s coming back. Get ready for Wall Street 2.

Yes, I’m serious.

Rumored to be in the works since 2007, it’s now been confirmed that Oliver Stone and Michael Douglas are re-teaming for a sequel to the 1987 tale of corporate greed. Somehow it seems fitting, no?

According to Variety, “The sequel will once again involve a young Wall Street trader, and the recent economic meltdown spurred by rampant greed and corruption will fit prominently into the plot.”

Really. I’m not making this up.

Now I’m sure at least a few of you are (a) rolling your eyes, (b) crying, ‘Why, God? Why?’, or (c) lamenting (yet again) the fact that Oliver Stone is still making films.

But I think this could be good…and I’ll be one of the first in line to see it.

You see, I like sequels (with the exception of Weekend at Bernie’s II). I like the familiarity with the characters. I like the continuation of the story. I like seeing what happens next.

I hopped off the Oliver Stone train around the time Nixon came out, but I’m a big fan of Platoon, Natural Born Killers, Talk Radio, and The Doors. And I think Wall Street is the best movie he’s made.

This time, I think, we’ll be glad that Stone didn’t just leave well enough alone.

Dear Santa,

I know it’s only April, so I’m either 4 months late or 8 months early…but I could really use your help on this one.

You see…I’m a TV guy. But I’m a picky TV guy. For me to watch a show regularly, it has to be really good.

My beloved Amazing Race has already been saved. (Not sure if you had a hand in that or not, but yay! if you did…) However, my other true love (besides my wife…and my children…and lime Slurpees) needs a little help.

His name is Chuck.

I’m sure I’m not the first one to write to you about this– the whole ‘Save Chuck’ campaign is starting to make D-Day look like a polite disagreement, but I thought I should write to you nonetheless.

The show is simply that good.

And tonight (at 8 p.m., 7 p.m. Central, on NBC– check your local listings) is its second season finale. But it may also (dare I speak it?) be the series finale, too.

Now, the way I see it– it’s April. What else could you possibly have going on? I know you don’t starting getting things ramped up again until after the 4th of July…

So really quickly, here’s two solid reasons why Chuck (to allude to one of its great characters) is awesome.

1.) It’s entertaining. It’s funny. It’s hip. It’s action-packed. It’s romantic. In a nutshell? Tech geek ‘accidentally’ gets all the data from the U.S. government mainframe implanted into his head. Real computer gets destroyed. Chuck is last hope for security of the nation. CIA/NSA sends handlers to protect him. He falls in love with one of them (the attractive blonde, not the surly brunet), and he also has to deal with his day job at the local Buy More big box store…and his co-workers, The ‘Buy-Morons’. Sounds pretty darn entertaining, am I right?

2.) It’s bringin’ back the 80’s: From Chuck trying to save the world by beating the high score on a Missile Command arcade game, set to the melodious bars of Rush’s ‘Tom Sawyer’, to his surviving his co-workers garage band as they hiccup their way through the ever-awesome ‘Africa’ by Toto, to the resurrection of Sgt. Al Powell (remember Reginald VelJohnson from Die Hard?), it’s chock-full of fun 80’s stuff. And you’re a big fan of the 80s, right? I still have that Rubik’s cube you gave me in ‘83, after all…

I could go on and on, but I’ve already taken up too much of your time.

So…anything you could do would be a big help. At the very least, maybe you and the missus could gather round the tube tonight and treat the elves to a little high-quality TV with their Subway $5 footlongs? That should help boost the ratings a little bit.

In return, I promise I’ll never tell my kids that you’re not real…

Thanks!

-Collin

Jay Leno is out of the hospital and, presumably, not spending much time writing new jokes for his return to the airwaves Monday night. Does he ever?

My hunch? He finally realized he wasn’t funny and checked himself in to battle his resulting depression. When doctors, though, shared the grim news that he would never recover, he decided to go home.

Seriously– how can this be man be America’s favorite TV personality? Since 1995 (the famous Hugh Grant ‘What were you thinking?’ interview), he has dominated Letterman in the ratings.

Sporadically I try to watch…only sporadically, though–like when I fall down the stairs and conk my head, or when I’ve had 20 or 30 salmonella-tainted raw oysters.

The monologue? It’s like watching Al Gore at the ‘00 debates.

‘Jaywalking’? Hey– let’s make fun of stupid people!

Yes, I’ll give you ‘Headlines’– but that’s not Jay. It’s stuff other people send in. My black sheep cousin Luther could make those funny.

And now he’s coming to primetime, every night at 10 p.m… and, in the process, putting my favorite NBC show, Chuck, in jeopardy. (There’s only so much room on the NBC slate. Something’s gotta give.)

And if Chuck gets canceled, I’ll give Jay a real reason to go to the hospital. Yep, I’ll be comin’ for you, un-funny man!

So…Susan Boyle went and got herself a makeover. Egad.

The Britain’s Got Talent contestant (subject of my last blog post, too) had been thumped in the press for being ‘frumpy’. So– a little hair dye, a little eyebrow pluck, and a nice new burberry scarf. Poof! She looks like she could almost be Lindsay Lohan’s mother…in-law’’s…cousin.

And now she’s getting pounded for ’selling out’. Seriously?

Let me give you 3 reasons why I’m perfectly fine with Ms. Boyle’s makeover:

First — Don’t all of us (well, most of us) wake up every morning and take a shower, comb our hair, and put on some nice clothes to go to work? Hell, even I’ve been known to trim the nose hairs from time-to-time. It’s not as if she’s pumping herself full of BoTox. She just wants to look, well, nice.

Second– I’ll admit she’s a cute story, but even when I watched her performance on YouTube, I was more entertained by the reaction from judges Simon, Piers, and Amanda than I was by Susan’s singing. The twist was the fact that this frumpy (there’s that word again…) woman could rival her idol Elaine Page. It was about her singing ability vs. her physical appearance. Now, though, the element of surprise is gone, and it’s just about her voice.

Third– England’s done some crazy things (see The American Revolution) but I don’t think even that silly little country is ever going to give the un-frumped Ms. Boyle a record contract or book her for the Reading Festival anytime soon. She may sing ‘God Save the Queen’ before an upcoming Tottenham match, but that’s about as far as this goes. This is not the end of the world.

Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m going to get back to The Real Housewives of Orange County on Bravo.

In what industry insiders are calling a ’shocking case of fraud’, Britain’s Got Talent contestant and overnight YouTube darling Susan Boyle is being investigated for lip-synching her performance of ‘I Dreamed a Dream’.

‘We are looking into reports that the actual singer is April Toohot,’ said Jes Jokin, associate director of Ofcom, the UK’s equivalent of the FCC. ‘And until we reach a judgment, Ms. Boyle has been disqualified from the competition.’

Toohot, the Indonesian supermodel and multi-platinum singer, is currently in Bali shooting a swimsuit layout for a popular sports periodical. She could not be reached for comment, but her agent and attorney Carl Yerbluff released a written statement late this afternoon.

‘Any assertion that my client, Miss Toohot, is the actual singer is preposterous,’ the statement read in part. ‘And any implication that she is in any way associated with that frumpy, Scottish lump of Shepherd’s Pie is ridiculous and unfounded. Miss Toohot has an amazing voice, and she would not waste that talent on such a pedestrian carnival of mediocrity such as Britain’s Got Talent.’

Some in the entertainment industry, however, have their doubts.

‘My sense is that we have a reverse Milli Vanilli happening here,’ said Mark Miwords, editor at the tabloid website TMZ.com and frequent contributor to TheSuperficial.com. ‘My gut feeling is that the producers of the show thought the audience would be intimidated by someone as beautiful as Miss Toohot. And I have sources that tell me that is precisely when one of the talent coordinators suggested his great aunt, Ms. Boyle, as a stand-in for the show.’

A co-producer of the talent competition, speaking on condition of anonymity, declined to deny the allegations. ‘Not that we didn’t or did approve or turn down the offer that may or may not have come from one of the staff, I just think we may be putting the cart before the horse and letting it out of the barn before the eggs are hatched and counted.’

Miss Toohot’s latest album, April Sings Famous Broadway Showtunes, hits stores tomorrow.

Sometimes you trip on great music when you’re least expecting it.

These days my iPod is dominated by music from, of all places, the NBC show Chuck and from the CW show 90210. The former is a great show with great music (80’s classics and solid indies). The latter is a crappy show with great music (top 40 hits and great alternative tunes).

And then there’s Guitar Hero. I’ve been solidly on board the GH bandwagon since v.2. I’m now wrapping up GH:World Tour (on ‘hard’, no less), and while I do enjoy the game, the music (by and large) isn’t my cup o’ tea. It’s just a wee bit too ‘metal’ for me.

Except for Lacuna Coil, whose ‘Our Truth’ is one of the GH highlights.

Their next album, Shallow Life, hits stores Tuesday. And it’s good.

Yes, they’re metal (gothic metal at that), but there’s just something I dig about them. I cordially invite you to hit their myspace page to hear for yourself. (I suggest starting with ‘I Survive’ and ‘I’m Not Afraid’). Yes, they’ve dropped much of the ‘edge’ that they started with (and it’s cost them a good number of fans, too), but that loss is my gain.

Lacuna’s music is actually melodic and driving, not loud, annoying, rhythmic noise…so think more along the lines of Linkin’ Park, not Megadeth. And their lead singer, Cristina Scabbia, is of the female persuasion, so throw in a little Evanescence for good measure.

I know it’s not for everyone, but if you like your music a little on the hard side, give ‘em a listen. You may just thank me later.

After all, when’s the last time you heard a ‘catchy’ hard rock song?